Whose fault was it anyways??

I have never felt this guilty before! I have never ever felt this guilty ever before! I am not even sure why I am feeling guilty in the first place. But then the feeling is miserable. The feeling is just too painful to let it go or tell its ok with a fake smile. The turnout of events over the past few weeks has left with me and my loved ones nothing but with pain and sorrow. What led to all these confusions, misunderstandings, fights, betrayal, let downs, disappointments, shame and misery? Whom do we blame for whatever happened and what was the reason behind this entire emotional drama? Was it love? Was it care? Was it friendship? Was it obsession? Was it betrayal? Was it personal incapability? Was it immaturity? Was it insecurity? What was the reason and what triumphed finally? I am quite not sure. But all I can say is it has left us all hurt, injured deep inside and left its scar for the rest of our lives. No one can be blamed, for it was no one’s fault, it was none’s deliberate act. It was time and destiny that once again played its cruel game with us. Time can be as cruel as a dreadful killer who cares not what one has to say. It just does things its own way, plays around with people’s lives, leaves behind the mark that sometimes maybe fatal and unreasonable to blindly accept. I am no poet here nor am I a wise person who can give a lecture about destiny and fate. I am just a person, a lay person who has been a victim of the game that destiny played and left its treacherous scar on.

It hurts!

Friends Departed!

Friends are the best things that can ever happen to a person. What’s so special about these people who accept us without any expectation? What makes this relationship so special that these people are there for you no matter how big mistake you have done or how big loser you are in life? It’s one relationship that I would rate more than any relationship in this world because these are those special chosen few who’ll make your heart light even at the most defeating moments and give you an assurance that you can still do it.

For my share, I have had a couple of friends who have been very close to me since school days. They have been my best buddies in school and we have shared some wonderful moments together. But then I’m really not sure for what reasons, that these special friendships have been limited to a couple of few years when we shared the same class and then ended badly once we were separated. My friend Leena, was one of my best friends since LKG, I think. She was always there for me and we have got several punishments together, I guess. But our friendship ended when we were put into different classes in eighth grade. When she got a new set of friends, the possessiveness cropped in and it in turn resulted in the end of the friendship.

In similar lines, was my friendship with my class mate Divya, we were in the same classes through-out our school lives. But we became best of friends in the last 3 years of our school life. We were very close to each other and the entire class knew that we were best pals and couldn’t stay without each other. But then after school days, in PU, she chose science field and chose commerce. So we were in different classes and she made a new set of friends and I was so possessive about her that this really affected out friendship. I just couldn’t take it when she was hanging out with others than me. And finally our friendship ended. Even today i.e. after six years I still miss her like crazy. She’s come in my dreams many a times and I think about her at least once in a day.

Like this all of us lose our dear old best friends for some stupid silly reasons, maybe a fight, a misunderstanding, and an ego clash or for several such reasons. But in such trivial fights are our most dear and close ones lost and we never get them back no matter how much we try. I regret those days when things ended sourly between me and my friends and I am ready to do everything possible to get back things into the same notes. But then it’s sad that time or our friends don’t wait for us. Once friendship lost is lost forever. Never can it be got back no matter how much we try.

Though I have a wonderful set of friends now, who are always there for me, this grief of losing some precious gems in my life will always be there deep in my heart. I wish I could go back into the time and get all my best friends whom I lost for various silly reasons. I wish we could resolve all the issues and be friends like the way we were before. I wish we could get back all the fun and recreate those wonderful moments that we had together. I wish we could start all over again and forgive each other.

I wish I could get back all my friends departed!

Receptive to Change!

What is change? Why is it that even though 95% of us know that it is an inherent part of our lives, we are still hesitant to acknowledge it, face it or experience it!

This receptiveness to change is not only a concern for those young stubborn kids who as they grow up don’t want to be constantly guided and monitored by their parents, those youngsters who have a problem in changing their lives to their academic or professional lifestyles, a new bride who finds it extremely difficult to adjust to the new people and environment at her in laws place, a dad who’s egos cannot sand it when a son doesn’t blindly abide by his set of rules and raises questions or a mother who gets paranoid at the entry of a new member in her dearest son’s life!

I often keep wondering as to why is it, the way it actually is! Many a times, it so happens that even the mere mention of this word creates ripples among people.

What is this whole hungama about change? Why do we human beings have a problem in accepting change? Is it the inherent nature of us or has it got to do something with the egos of people. I really fail to understand the logic or the connection. The one thing that amuses me is, most of the time people don’t even try to think about it, even if they know that is actually for the better! They feel that they are being challenged, their potential is being questioned and measured and most of the times it’s also about their sheer egos that stops them from going for it! It’s their fear towards the uncertainty factor attached along with change that bothers them!

I see no answers for all the doubts and questions above! In fact I am no different than any ordinary person who has a problem with change! Yet I try to constantly change my outlook and enjoy the uncertainty of things around me for I know deep inside that nothing is more consistent than change in itself!

A Smile worth Millions!

Today while I was on my way to M.G. Road to purchase books, I parked my two-wheeler next to a Car in the traffic signal! The traffic was taking more than its usual time to clear! But the long hours of wait in the never ending traffic jams is no more an unanticipated event in Bangalore. It has become a part of our daily life! While I was waiting for the green signal, I was thinking about things that happened today in college, at home and with my dear ones. All those situations and circumstances, few pleasant and most unpleasant that stress me day in and day out and drain all my energy! I am sure that like me, 99% of people around me at that time were all lost in their own materialistic life, a bundle of multiple events.

As I stood there, a kid of around 3 to 4 years looked at me from the car parked right next to me! The kid put his head out of the car, gazed straight into my eyes and smiled at me hugely! I had never ever seen the kid before, nor does the kid know me, yet he gave a smile that was authentic, simple and yet defeating! The smile just cut through into me and mesmerized me! It departed me totally from all my academic tensions, work pressure and every upsetting thought! It refreshed my energy levels and thought process too! As I smiled back at the little kid, I could feel my nerves loosen up, detaching me from every single deliberation! As the signal turned green I wove goodbye to the kid, the little angel and went ahead with a smiling face with new levels of energy, enthusiasm and excitement!

This incident reminds of my cute little niece Jaishri who is 3 to 4 years old. Every time she comes home, she fills the house with laughter, fun and cheer! She lights up the environment of the house which is otherwise very dull and gloomy. The few days she’s at home, she makes sure that each one of us is all around each other, interacting and not lost in our own different worlds! This, in fact is an exhilarating capability of these little angels who in the guise of children, move us to the world of innocence, create a world of magic and elevate us to a totally new atmosphere where even the elders detach themselves from the materialistic world, become a child themselves forgetting all the momentary things and experience happiness!

Hats off to the little Angels!

In special memory of my little niece Jaishri whom I miss every day, every minute!

Love You Jaichu!

Uncertainty! My Friend or My Foe!

When I look at you,

I admire your calm;

I admire your endless beauty!

I feel I’m glad you are a part of my life!

Yet, I am mystified!

Your placid calmness scares me!

Your tranquility disturbs me!

It is a silence that never answers my queries!

It is a stillness that though extends the hand of friendship,

Often turns out to be a death call!

You enjoy it! Don’t you?

Do I call you my friend? My well wisher?

Who is extending me his piece of knowledge and experience!

Or my foe who is looking forward for my fall?

It is a question unanswered! It is a question filled with ambiguity!

Yet, I look at you!

I look deep into your eye, trying to find an answer!

An answer that answers the uncertainty in my eye!

The uncertainty that you put me into!

But you seem to be no where around!

For you are the uncertainty personified!!

This poem is dedicated to my friend Sharath!

Consistency is the Key!

Today I did the impossible possible! I woke up early in the morning and went for an early walk along with my dad! My dad has been going for early morning walking for the past 15 years! Though being constantly insisted by my dad to join him in the early walk I have always given reasons and escaped! But today I made it! Though it was extremely arduous, I still managed to do it! I felt I was on top of the world and as if I have achieved a big milestone in my life! While I was enjoying the morning walk and the awesome Bangalore weather, I was wondering about certain things! Today is the first day of the walking, hmmm... that’s great! Keep it up sweetie! But how many days will this trend follow? Will I be able to come every day? Will I make it a habit? I really wonder! But then, Yeah, if I could achieve this impossible task of waking up every day early in the morning and come for the regular walk, won’t I be successful in reaching my goal? Well, of course I would! But will that happen?

The last few months of my MBA program has taught me a lot of things! But I have figured out one mantra to success! And that is nothing but “Consistency is the Key!” Yes, consistency is the key that can unlock the door to happiness and achievement. It’s the factor that differentiates a loser and a winner! What’s special about Sachin that is not about Sehwag or Dhoni! Hmmm! Its consistency! Over the couple of years, Sachin has become synonymous with consistency! When the whole team fails, it’s his reliability that keeps the hopes of Indians alive! So will I be able to maintain the enthusiasm with which I woke up today! Will I be able to make it a habit and not a rarely event?

Well a lot of times we see people complain- I worked really hard, yet I failed! I don’t know why my luck is so bad! I don’t know why God is being so unfair to me and etc (Definitely I am one of them!). But how many of us are sincere to ourselves! How many of us do a self analysis and check if we are fair enough to the work we are doing (no matter whatever it is!). Over the years, I have seen that be it studies, job, relationship, marriage, friendship, business etc only when there is consistency, it survives! Only when the efforts are continuous, the focus is persistent and the actions enduring, we achieve the impossible! Or rather sustain the impossible made possible! So the next time you crib about something, pause for a second and think, was I consistent in my actions, were my efforts enduring and it’ll explain the results that you have achieved, good or bad!

Now let me think again! Will I go for walking everyday! Will I achieve my goal of reducing weight? Consistency is the Key, baby!

Not Your World!!!

Hey you! Yes You!!

Are you proud to be one?

Well, please don’t be!

Because this is not your world!

This is not your world, dear!

You have no right to live here!

You have no right to think!

You have no right to dream!

Nor do you have the right to life!

You are a slave, Miss!

Yes! A slave to the people around you!

You are nothing but a commodity!

A commodity traded at every point of life!

You are a burden to your parents!

And to the person who owns you!

Your silence is their triumph!

Your patience is their weapon!

Your humility is their virtue!

You are nothing but a mere toy!

This is not your place, Dear!

Dedicated to those bunch of peverts who dared to molest thier sisters!